Trump Blames Wildfires on Massive Fire-Breathing Dragon Named Antifa

WASHINGTON — President Trump railed against Democrats and their “vicious fire-breathing dragon named Antifa” during a series of early morning tweets. Wildfires have destroyed millions of acres in parts of California, Oregon, and Washington. The fires have also burned down homes and killed at least 26 people.

Dry conditions and an abundance of fuels have combined to make this one of the worst fire seasons in recent history. Scientists believe warmer temperatures brought about by climate change will make wildfires, like the ones we’re currently seeing, more likely. The president dismissed this idea as a “liberal hoax funded by George Soros and the radical left.”

Dragons are ardent supporters of vote by mail

The president says he’s seen information that can confirm the existence of a “Texas sized flying socialist lizard that breathes fire and preys on suburban white women — especially virgins.” Dragons are largely thought to be mythical creatures that can fly. Some, but not all, have the ability to shoot fire while others can self-combust or produce seismic waves that can turn a human inside out.

As for the dragon’s supposed name, the president insisted “Smokey Joe Biden raised the beast from infancy and named it Antifa as part of his long-term plan to destroy our nation’s beloved statues and burn our flags, our cities and our forests to the ground.”

Besides devastation, the wildfires have also covered large parts of the West in a thick blanket of smoke. The president push back on this idea. “Our beautiful, heroic firefighters have been battling Biden’s dragon with water, so much water, water like you’ve never seen. The FAKE NEWS media says it’s smoke, it’s steam caused by all that water. What happens when you put water and fire together? Low IQ dummies.”

The president said he’s willing to activate the military if necessary. “Pelosi and her crooked pro-dragon agenda have to be stopped. I will use the full force of this nation’s awesome military to kill the dragon and restore order. DRAGON LIVES DON’T MATTER!”