Joseph Epstein Email Signatures

“I don’t have an Ed.D. but I do have ED.”

“Drat, my scone is dry and my monocle needs cleaning.”


“You there, young persons, kindly remove thine selves from atop my pelouse.”

“Girls have cooties.”

“Boys rule, girls drool!”

Probably has a lot of allergies

“Yes, yes, that’s all very well and good sweetheart, but let me tell you about my honorary doctorate from Adelphi University.”

“I’m not sexist, women are just oversensitive.”

“You can be anything in life — if you’re a man.”

“The real fault lies with the man who taught women how to read.”

“Founding member of The Patriarchy.”

“There’s no such thing as too many bowties.”

“The only way to enjoy caviar is aboard one’s sailboat. To sodden such pleasures among the land-based would be an insult to progress.”

“My preferred title is asshole.”

“Might I interest you in a daguerreotype of my well-endowed and fully engorged member?”

“Wow. Seems every woman is on their period right now.”

“Mrs. Joe Biden worked for years on her doctorate. I did nothing and one was given to me. So, she is either a sucker or an idiot.”

Dad. Husband. Writer. Dork.