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The pandemic won’t be over anytime soon. This is depressing news. It looked like we were on our way out of this nightmare. By late spring, the number of positive COVID cases in the United States had dropped to levels not seen since the start of the pandemic. The delta variant changed our trajectory and is threatening to send us right back to where we started. The road ahead is starting to look a lot like the one we’ve been on for the past 18 months. We need to do something.

There has been resistance to public health guidance since…


You looking to score?

Pat Mahomes shows up at your door. He’s there to lay some pipe. Mahomes has been kind of enough to help you replace your sprinkler system. Before getting started, you ask Mahomes if he’d like to see your cock. He says yes. You show him the rooster you keep in the backyard chicken coop.

You love watching Derrick Henry pound the hole. That’s why you picked him. Henry comes over and the two of you pound — nails into some 2x4s. You’re building a shop on your property and appreciate Derrick’s help. You have beers after.


𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢?

I've been thinking about work a lot lately. There are several reasons for this. One, there's a lot of people coming and going. I feel good about the people we're getting or who are taking over positions on an interim basis. I generally feel UWT hires folks who care about their work and understand the university's importance to students and to the larger community. Even so, it's hard to have so much transition when the world at-large seems to be changing every hour on the hour.

This brings me to my second concern. COVID cases are climbing again and we…


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the nature of power. Specifically, I’m interested in the ornaments of authority, namely crowns. The monarchy doesn’t hold much sway anymore, save for a few outliers like Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. Monarchs in most countries, like the UK, are figureheads, who are good for tourism but not much else.

Monarchy is that guest at the party that just won’t leave even though it’s three in the morning and the other partiers left hours ago. The system has worn out its welcome. …


We aren’t living in the past so much as we’re resisting the future. Living in the past requires a certain amount of pining for days gone by. Trouble is, those days of yore weren’t all that great. Those who lean-in on the past as a symbol tend to cherry pick. The past was rife with problems but we either chose to ignore them (if we have the means to do so) or write them off as aberrations or paint them as not that bad.

Covid shook us from that daydream. Quite simply, we don’t have time for nostalgia or waxing…


Ms. Jones,

We have reviewed the materials you submitted for tenure review. Unfortunately, we cannot offer you tenure at this time. The members of this committee take this work very seriously. We committed ourselves to giving you an honest and fair evaluation and, though there were some noteworthy achievements — MacArthur Fellowship, Pulitzer Prize — we found your overall application lacked a breadth of scholarship and service that are hallmarks of a University of North Carolina education. Perhaps a few examples will elucidate our thinking and help you better understand how we reached our decision.

You referenced developing a cure…


Gun turns on the bathroom light and appraises itself in the bathroom mirror before washing the wet blood from its barrel. Gun thinks about last night and weeps. Bullets drop like bodies from its open chamber and ricochet off the sink. Gun visits its therapist where it talks about its violent past and its life growing up in America, the child of absent parents. Gun comes to murder the guilt, to be told that it doesn’t kill people. Afterward, gun heads to school. Later, gun thinks, I’ll catch a movie.


Like you, I was shaken by yesterday’s events. The senseless violence left me reeling. Indeed, I couldn’t help but feel despair. The fragile peace between humans and the alien race of fire-breathing lizards evaporated like tears on hot pavement.

Friends, those tears were mine. I cried, not just for the four million people who were killed in that awesome moment of combustible rage, but also for our role in creating this violence.

As scholars, it is our sacred duty to explore, to search for truth, and, when we find it, to share this truth with the world. I fear we…


Guess what? As it turns out stealing the Declaration of Independence is easier than respected scholar Benjamin Gates made it out to be. You don’t need a Ph.D. in American history, a nerdy sidekick with tech skills, or even a real plan. The riot and subsequent takeover of the Capitol building showed me that stealing one of the founding documents would be relatively easy. Here’s what you’ll need.

  • To be white
  • Facial hair, the more grisly and unkempt the better
  • A replica Viking helmet, one you probably use to drink beer out of
  • An anti-semitic hoodie
  • Apparently nowhere else to…

If I were a baseball announcer I would say “well, there goes that no-hitter he was working on” after the leadoff batter got a hit.

To my neighbor who cut down all his trees, I’d say “wow, really feels like a guy can breathe now that all the trees are gone.”

To the first person I have a face-to-face conversation with after the pandemic ends, to that person I want to say “you’re muted.”

I want to get a dog and name it grandma. Maybe the dog escapes from the backyard one day. I’d say to my neighbors, “Hey, we’re…

EWE

Dad. Husband. Writer. Dork.

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